It is not fair and equitable and it is time for a change

Unfortunately, the Connectut alimony laws destroy families. I have been divorced for approximately two years after a two day trial. During the trial, her attorney pulled out all the stops to make her look like a vicitim and to make me look like a monster. I was very frustrated with all the lies. Fortunately, we had a decent GAL that pulled all parties together prior to trial and stated that he was going to recommend joint shared custody. We were able to resolve that portion of the divorce without going to trial as she consented, which made the trial about the finances.

My former spouse is in her early 40's, college educated with some post graduate work under her belt, all the children are in high school. She has an internet job with minimal hours that she does from the home but it doesnt pay very much. Several months after the divorce, she relocated approximately 25 minutes away in a house that she rented to be near her new boyfriend. Then one month later, she was evicted from her home and then moved into his house where she has been residing since.

During her parenting time, she drives the children to their school, which is in the community that I decided to reside in for the benefit of the kids. When the kids are with her, they are on the road for over an hour each day.

My income was approximately $95,000. The Divorce Memorandum ordered me to pay her approximately $2,700 a month in alimony and $190 a week in child support. In addition, it further ordered me to pay her COBRA insurance for 36 months.

She was ordered to pay the car payment that she was driving and to refinance my name off of loan within 120 days. She was ordered to ensure that she maintained insurance on the vehicle. Needless to say, she let the vehicle get repossed, which wrecked my credit. Also, she didnt turn in the license plate and let the insurance lapse which the state issued a $200 fine, the next time i went to re-register my vehicle, I couldnt until the fine was resolved. Since my name was on the registration to the vehicle, I was responsible and had to pay the fine. Also, there was approximately $550 in taxes that were owed, which I ended up having to pay. I have filed "contempt motions" and taken her to court but it is a total waste of time because the courts will not hold her accountable.

Also, she was ordered to pay 1/3 of credit card payments, I havent received any monies from her to date. Between attorneys and myself, there have been over two contempt motions filed for the vehicle and the credit card payments, the Judge refuses to rule on the motions.

This past year, it took all the money that I had, but I hired an attorney to take her back to court to prove co-habitation. Her and the boyfriends deposition were taken and it was very clear that co-habitation was occurring. My attorney stated that all we had to prove was that she was benefiting by $1by living with her boyfriend. Through discovery and the depositions, we could prove that she was benefiting by over $400 by living with him. In addition, she closed her checking account and is using his banking accounts. He purchased her a new 2010 vehicle, registered it and insured it in his name. After moving in with him, I received an email making me aware of her new address, she stated that she was now living with him and to please forward all my alimony payments to her new address.

After a one day hearing, the judge ordered the alimony to be reduced by $400. He refused to rule on the other motions of contempt and to reduce the alimony and child support because I had been laid off from my job during this time too.

The initial Divorce Memorandum didnt identify who's responsiblity it was to provide health insurance for the kids. I have been providing the health insurance during this whole time, even paying $900 a month in COBRA payments during this time that I have been unemployed.

Obviously, I have not been able to keep up on the child support and alimony payments without a job. I have kept the kids on the insurance and have regularly given my ex-spouse what I could on a weekly basis. Up until the time that i was laid off, I was current on the alimony and child support.

After spending approximately $100,000 in legal fees, in the midst of filing for bankruptcy, and not able to find a job, she filed a contempt motion against me for the rearrages in child support and alimony and for not providing her COBRA. We had to go to court last week. I provided the judge a copy of an email exchange between her and i which detailed shortly after the divorce I had taken her off of my health insurance and that she would be receiving a packet in the mail and if there was a problem, i included the 1-800 #. I explained to the judge that I did everything that I could do but that she needed to help herself once she had the information. In addition, this was the first time that I was hearing that this was a problem, the 20th month into the 36 month order. The judge was very hostile towards me. He allowed her to put me on the stand under oathe to ask questions, but when I wanted to put her on the stand to for her testimony, he refused.

An important note, I am representing myself, and I have appealed the judge's co-habitation decision from this past fall. The same judge that I have filed the appeal against heard my ex-spouses contempt motion this past week.

I was ordered on a specific date to appear back in several months to show the judge my efforts in finding a job.

I am sorry for the length of my post, but I wanted to make sure that I included all the information, I am sure that I have left out a few details. The judges have way to much discretion. The frustrating part is that my attorney that was representing me at the co-habitation hearing stated that if it was heard by another judge we would had a much different outcome.

In the statute that deals with divorce and alimony, it clearly states that it should be fair and equitable, Connecticut is a "shit" show.