Eight years of Hell

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My ex-wife had an affair. While the court would not recognize it despite the testified evidence of numerous late night phone calls to his place of work, the suspicious "picnic lunches" at a location hours away from town, etc, an affair took place for almost a year. Without knowing all of this at the time, she asked me for a divorce and then wanted full custody of our children, despite the devotion and involvement I was and am in their lives. That being said, my ex-wife hired an unethical attorney, who believed in a scorched earth policy to ensure his client was awarded the bulk of the estate and the hours he billed were astronomical. At trial, I was portrayed as a horrible husband and person, which is the farthest from the truth. The "spin" the attorney put on day-to-day aspects of life in order to make one out to be "the bad guy" was mind boggling and eye-opening to how the family court system is truly flawed. The unethical tactics and manipulation my ex-wife allowed her attorney to do in court was unconscionable, all to achieve money. The judge in my trial clearly did not understand the concept of pre-tax and after-tax assets and awarded my ex-wife approximately 85+% of the assets acquired during the marriage, in addition to enormous amounts of alimony and child support for 16 years although I was not married that long. Given this huge amount of money she was receiving, I was still ordered to pay for everything for the children (private schools, clothes, sports/extra cirricular, trips, supplies, etc....everything!). I was also ordered to secure a life insurance policy for millions and name her as beneficiary. This "alimony sentence" I was given through my early 60's, has prohibited me to save for retirement and continue to live the life I would like with my new wife, yet the judge ordered me to keep her in the life to which SHE was "accustomed". Despite the fact she is an educated woman capable of working and supporting herself in the lifestyle she desires.
Even worse, is that the ex-wife has been living with another man for 5+ years. Despite the emotional toll and unsettling environment my ex's living arrangement has taken on the children, she continues to fight for alimony even though the divorce decree states it ends when living with a man that is not her husband. Yet the flawed CT cohabitation law is written that the domestic partner must also provide financial support to her household. Why would the live-in provide financial support when the ex-wife has substantial amounts of money? Therefore, the alimony now becomes support of BOTH of them! The divorce laws in CT are Anti-Family! Why would someone get married if they have a huge financial benefit by not getting married? They clearly would just live with someone, like my ex-wife, despite the fact that there are also children in the house. The divorce laws today are antiquated and for a different era. They are Anti-Family in so many ways, while we are living in a State where recent laws have promoted marriage for all types of partners regardless of sex.

I have a very similar situation to yours. My ex has a live in BF and collects her life alimony from me...6 digits worth.. And indeed the test of cohabitation means there is financial commingling.. Who would be so dumb to feed the sow when she is already so well fed? The ex has a professional degree (I paid for).. Her expertise, I'm afraid, has long been finding excuses not to work productively . She was a mother, and during the marriage demanded to do so part time to maintain her 'professional' credentials .. So I had to pay for her 'professional' career (which never earned more than a pro forma 10K per annum, far more than what I had to pay for her absent childcare..) When I objected to the bizarre financial mismanagement, she continually impugned my hard work as needless greed that she would not take part in.. She would neither contribute to the acquisition of family wealth and claimed repeatedly to never demand a part of it, as though I stole it..! When I asked her to try to contribute the the expensive lifestyle she ran, she threatened divorce (kids were then 12 (girls) and I thought the divorce was too premature and would on balance be more a problem than solution. .. So I let it ride until the kids were out of the house.. .. The marriage, if it can be called that, endured for better than 20 years.. The kids are fine now, and thank me for enduring the non-sense on their behalf. And I am left still feeding the sow in the style to which she wrestled out of men, holding my kids hostage.

The courts mandate that she be kept in the style to which she was accustomed.. So now 10 years past mothering, she collects a six digit salary from me, lives in a one million dollar house, has a live in BF and works a very part-time job earning her some miniscule fraction of which she consumes.. And her professional degree...a near waste, given how little she is compelled to use it! Our divorce law is not only anti-family, it is anti-decency, anti-work-ethic, and certainly anti-marriage. I tell my tale to all young men and women willing to listen, and I am proud to contribute to the plummeting rates of marriage! And to parasites of this variety, I can only remark they make marriage a form of legalized prostitution, the difference being, a prostitute has the honesty of telling you the price upfront!

time for the revolution